


A Profound Bond

by Jennifandom13



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-03
Updated: 2014-05-03
Packaged: 2018-01-21 18:14:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1559534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jennifandom13/pseuds/Jennifandom13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This starts off with Dean leaving Cas and Sam after Gadreel is kicked out of Sam's head. It ends in a much better place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Profound Bond

“I’m poison, Sam. People get close to me, they get killed or worse. I tell myself that I help more people than I hurt and I tell myself that I’m doing it all for the right reasons, and I believe that. But I can’t, I won’t, drag anybody through the muck with me, not anymore. Just let me go”  
“No one's stopping you, Dean.”  
God, Sammy, please stop me. Don't make me go. I turned to look at Cas. Even he looked withdrawn and he half turned away. Well, I guess this was it then. I dropped my head in defeat and headed over to the Impala. I let out the breath I had been holding as I slumped into the seat. I checked my rear view just to see if they were coming after me. Hadn't even moved. Aw hell. Who am I kidding? I am poison. Crowley's right. People come around me and they don't live long. They're all better off without me. I started the ignition and the engine rumbled to life. Heh, just you and me again, Baby. I took off down the highway, didn't even know where I was going, just had to leave. What the hell was I thinking? Why would Sammy ever forgive me for doing that? I didn't even know who the guy was that jumped in his head. I almost lost Sammy. And Crowley of all people was the one to save him. Not me. If only I could have....maybe it would've made up for something. I drove on thinking like that for hours. Too distracted and watery-eyed to even turn on my music. Zeppelin couldn't help everything it turned out. Go figure.  
Eventually I stopped running through small towns. There was just nothing all around me. Not even any mountains or trees. Goddamnit! Why'd I have to go and mess it all up again? I-I just couldn't see Sammy die again. I couldn't let him down....I slammed the wheel with my hands and yanked the car over to the side of the road. I put her in park and just sat there shaking. What the hell am I doing? I can't fight monsters. I am a monster. I'm still tearing people up like I did back in the pit. Doesn't make a difference. I've lost everyone now. They're all dead or hate the sight of me. And Cas.....damnit Cas! I wish I had kept him around. No wonder Zeke or Gadreel or whoever the fuck that guy was didn't want Cas at the bunker. I shoulda listened to Cas. I wish I had had him stay. But now I've lost him too. I never even got to tell him...not like I could tell him anyway. He's an angel again. There's no point. By now, the tears were forcing themselves down my dirty cheeks. I couldn't see what with how many were pouring out. I hit the wheel again and again, till my hands were numb. “Damnit. Damnit! Damnit all to hell!” I lurched out of the car and slammed the door. I leaned over with my forehead on the roof and just shouted. I couldn't even find words to shout. Some idgit with their brights on sped past and honked at me. I whipped around and flipped them off. It doesn't even matter what I fucking do. I'm plain hopeless. I kicked the Chevy's tire and sat on the hood. I tried to rub the streaks off my face but they left trails in the dust and dirt. I took my t-shirt off hoping it would do a better job than my hands. It felt rough on my face and my eyes burned from all the salt. Heh. Got more in common with demons afterall. What Cas said echoed in my head, “You were stupid for the right reasons.” Don't know how he could've made me feel any better that night. My whole world was collapsing, and there was Cas, the outcast angel, doing his best to make me feel better. What a sap. God, I'm gonna miss that sap though. Shoulda treated him better. I threw my shirt over the side of the car. “Damnit, Cas. Why am I such an idjit?!” He won't come. Even if he's tuned in right now, why would he? Still, I sure wish he would. “Cas, I need you.” Barely an audible whisper, but it eased the weight a bit, just to admit it. “Cas, I need you.” Clearer this time. I sprawled out over the hood of the impala and shouted, “Cas! I need you! Cas, please!” My sobs were back, but hell, I didn't care.  
“Hello, Dean,” came a familiar low raspy voice. I couldn't believe it. He came? I lifted my head off the hood and looked. Sure enough, there he was, trench coat and all just a couple feet from me. He tilted his head like he was worried or confused.  
“Y-you came.” I have no idea what I looked like, but he looked crushed. I shouldn't have called for him...  
“Dean, I always come when you call.” He said it more hesitantly than he had the first time, but he came closer, almost touching my legs where they hung off the front of the car. I took a deep breath and tried to sit up, but then Cas did something weird. He got up on the car next to me and put his hand on my shoulder. The same one his hand print used to always be on. I sure missed that constant reminder of him.  
“Cas. I...I don't know what to say, man. I've just fucked up. I'm....I'm sorry.”  
“Dean, look at me,” I couldn't move my head, “Dean. Look at me.” When I still didn't move, he grabbed my chin with his rough hand and pulled my face up level with his. His eyes were pretty damn watery too. He stared at me and wouldn't let me move my head. He was searching my face. I had no idea what for. I licked my lips and his eyes flicked down to them. I glanced at his lips too. They still looked soft as ever, and there they were, just inches away from mine. I had to bite my lip to keep myself from closing the gap. He's an angel, Dean. You can't just go at angels. They may be dicks, but they're God's dicks. It just ain't right. I met Cas' eyes again. He looked like he felt relieved. He let go of my head finally.  
“You know, Dean. I would have come with you if you had asked me to.” He was looking out in front of the Impala. I must've gasped or something, because he turned back to look at me again.  
“You would have? But what about Sammy? Is he okay? I mean, he probably hates --” Cas put his hand on my mouth and cut me off.  
“Dean, he is your brother. He may be angry with you now, but I doubt he will be forever. Don't worry about Sam.” He looked at me expectantly, and I nodded. He pulled his hand away and set it down next to my thigh on the hood. I missed the warmth of it once it was gone. I rubbed the side of my face a bit and adjusted my position so I was a little farther away from him. He just watched me as I moved away. Maybe Cas is right and Sammy will come around. It'll sure take him awhile though. Sammy's almost more stubborn than I am. Guess we would see what happened.  
“I just feel like I've lost everything, Cas.” Oh, here we go into a chick flick moment.  
“Not everything, Dean. You still have, uh, Baby,” he said hesitantly as he patted the hood, “and you have me, too.” He looked hurt and, something else I wasn't quite sure of.  
“You shouldn't hang around me, Cas. I'll probably get you killed again.” I slumped my shoulders. I couldn't look back up at him. If I did, he might already be gone. So I squeezed my eyes shut instead.  
“No Dean. You said you need me. So I'm here. I gave everything for you once before, and I'm willing to do it again.” I opened my eyes and he was crouching on the ground right in front of me, between my legs even. My face flushed a little when I thought about that. Wait though, did he get it? Does Cas know what I meant when I yelled for him? Aw, what the hell. I can't make things much worse. I might as well say it.  
“Listen, Cas. I, uh. I need to tell you something.”  
“I'm listening.” Damn it, this shouldn't be so difficult. I mean hell, I've told something like this to hundreds of girls. Guess that's exactly why it's so hard. Cas is no random hookup in a drive-through town. He's really seen me at my worst and he knows everything I'm capable of. He's the one who came when I needed him. I just need to do it. He kept those piercing blue eyes of his fixed on my face as I tried to get the words out.  
“Well....Cas I uh, you, ya know that whole 'profound bond' thing we got going? Well, as it turns out, it uh, runs a little deeper than I thought. Things just don't feel right without you around. That day you stayed at the bunker, even though Sammy was still dying with that freak running around in his head....I was happier that day than I've been in years, Cas, as fucked up as that is. That's because for once, you and Sammy and I were all safe, well mostly, and we had a home. More to the point uh, you and I got to share a home. Look, what I'm trying to say is--”  
“Dean, stop.” I looked back up into those eyes kinda sheepishly, worried about what look I'd find in that face. He looked relieved. Could that mean...  
“I know. That is, I know what you mean. I think the right way to say it is, I love you, too, Dean.” Shockingly, his face flushed. Did angels really blush? I didn't think they could. But wait, Cas loved me? And he knew?  
“Wow. If you knew, Cas, why didn't you ever uh, say anything? I mean, I hate chick flick moments and you don't have the best timing, but still.” Now I was the one searching his face. He thought about it for a few moments.  
“Dean, when I first told you that we share a more profound bond, I was trying to tell you then. That's why the other angels tried to keep me from you. Do you remember?”  
“You mean when they said all that mixed loyalty crap about you being 'my angel' or 'too attached to the humans in your charge' or some shit?”  
“I believe so.”  
“Well that was only a few months after we met. You knew then? Hell, I didn't even know then!”  
“Dean, the barn was not our first meeting. When I pulled you out of Hell, it took time. I couldn't just fly in and fly out. The other angels and I fought our way in. Once I grabbed you, we had to fight our way back out. It took days, Dean. I never let go of you.” Wow. That was a doozy to take in. Go figure it's the one part of Hell I don't remember.  
“So then, you've known me maybe a few months longer than I've known you?”  
“More than a few, Dean. When I was assigned to that mission, I began to watch you. You were in Hell for four months. I first saw you there a week after you died.” Crap. He saw me make the choice to torture. He saw me hurt all those people. Damnit, no wonder he hates seeing me do it now so much. Do I have some shit luck or what? Cas put his hands on my knees. I had to suck in my breath a bit when he did.  
“So uh, what then? Where does all this leave you and me?” Probably nowhere. It's not like I'm going to get my unicorn or whatever like Meg called him.  
“You said you need me, Dean. I need you too. You taught me to fight back and I fought for you, Dean. Now I'm here and you're here, and we both know.” I just stared at him. My mouth was probably hanging open, but I didn't care. Cas needs me? Cas fought for me? Cas loves ….me? At this point, I didn't even care if I deserved it. I looked down at those blue eyes. He looked so hopeful. I licked my lips and looked at his again. Could we really do....really have this? I reached over and touched the side of his face. He held onto my knees a little tighter. I reached back around to his neck and bent down. I closed my eyes so I couldn't see if he pulled away or not, and I kissed him. I kissed my angel. His lips were every bit as soft as they looked and they fit real well against mine. I pulled away and forced myself to look at him. Cas smiled, really smiled. I couldn't help but smile too. This is really happening. Maybe my luck isn't shit after all...  
I leaned down for another kiss, more sure this time. I sucked in his bottom lip and toyed it between my teeth. He sucked in a breath and I let go. I grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled him closer to me. He could overpower me with a flick of his wrist, but he came easily, almost hungrily. I slipped a bit of my tongue between our lips. He didn't protest, so I went in a little deeper and explored his mouth. His tongue joined mine after a second. Suddenly, Cas got up and pressed me back down against the hood of the Impala. He climbed on top of me and straddled my hips. Both of his hands went into my hair and he kissed me down into the hood of the car. He grabbed my lip with his teeth and bit into it. It stung and I could feel blood rush to my face, and to another part of me further south. He pulled back and wiped his mouth off with his sleeve, holding me down with his other hand. He smiled kind of a knowing smile and started moving his hips in circles. I could feel the heat from my blood on my face.  
“C-Cas, what're you doing?”  
“Quiet, Dean.” He ground down onto me, and my cock grew hard against him. I gasped each time he circled over me.  
“Cas?” He put his hand back over my mouth.  
“Dean, I said be quiet. Will you?” I nodded and he removed his hand. He got down on the ground off of me and trailed his hand down my chest. The guy gave me goosebumps. He got to my waistband and slipped a couple fingers beneath it. I hissed a little. His fingers felt a lot colder under my clothes. He reached over and undid the button on my jeans and then the zipper. This is crazy. I'm splayed out over my car in the middle of the highway while an angel undoes my pants. No way is this happening. But it was happening all right. He grabbed either side of my jeans and yanked them down to my ankles where they got caught on my boots. The evening air felt chilly on my legs and made the hairs stand up a bit. Not nearly as much as when he started running his hands over my thighs and calves though. His strong hands rubbed over my muscles as he circled my legs. He brought them up my thighs and then slid them under my boxers, just getting up to that tender spot where my hips and groin met up. I spazmed a bit when he brushed there with his thumbs. He smiled and did it again, a little harder. I spazmed again. He took his hands out and slowly pulled my boxers over my boner and down my legs to sit on my bunched up jeans. The air felt a helluva lot colder on my dick than it had on my legs or chest. Now I felt just plain awkward, all exposed like that. I bit my lip to keep from saying something stupid and making it worse. Cas looked me over and just kept smiling. He had a good smile. I tried to lift myself up a bit with my arms, but Cas pushed me back down and held me flat against the hood. I tried to move, but I knew that was pointless since Cas is so much stronger than me. I looked down just in time to see Cas bend down over my penis. He made eye contact with me and licked all along the bottom side of my dick with his strong tongue. I had to suck in a another breath because damn. He kept one hand on my belly, holding me down, and he took the other and wrapped it around the base of my shaft. He licked all the way from the base to the tip while rubbing a bit with his hand. When he got to the tip he mouthed the head. He swirled his tongue over the slit and slowly sucked the head into his mouth. I completely forgot the cold and the highway and everything when I felt his warm mouth wrapped around my cock. He took more of my penis into his mouth and slowly stroked up with his hand until his lips and fingers met. He did it again, massaging my shaft with his tongue as he went down. My breathing started to quicken into gasps. I could feel his mouth twist into a grin when he heard. He started to pick up the pace. His mouth and hand worked together in a pattern, with his tongue moving along with them. I laid my head against the hood and closed my eyes. I sounded like a dog on a hot summer day, but I didn't care.  
“C-Cas...” I moaned his name out. And here I thought this guy was a million year old virgin. Thank god I was wrong. His mouth and tongue kept going, but he moved his hand down to cradle my balls. He rubbed his thumb in little circles over each one and pushed his fingers back to massage the tender skin just behind them. I gasped and hitched myself up a little ways further up on the Impala. He took the hand from my belly and grabbed one of my thighs, bringing me back down and holding me there. My panting sounded more like low moaning now. Cas worked his mouth down my shaft past where he had been stopping all the way down to the base till he had the whole thing down his throat. I tried to buck up a little bit, but he grabbed my thigh almost painfully when he felt me move. He pulled back up all the way to the tip and let it out of his mouth with a small pop. He stroked my dick a few times with his hand and then he moved my thighs apart and pushed me further up on the car hood. Wait wait wait. Are we going...there? Um, this'll be a new one for me. Cas must've noticed me tense up.  
“Dean, trust me.” I just nodded. I felt like if I said anything the whole thing would evaporate like a cruel wet dream. He tried to push my thighs further apart, but the clothes stuck on my ankles limited how far they could go. He yanked off one of my boots and slipped my leg out of the pants and boxers. He pushed that leg up on his shoulder and moved the other one out to my side. He reached up and stroked my cock a little more with a super light touch that drove me crazy. He started doing tighter, firmer strokes, and then he brought his other hand back down to my balls and the tender skin behind them. He massaged the area again, a little more thoroughly this time. I let out a low moan and relaxed. Fuck, he was good. The massaging hand disappeared and a little while later, I heard a wet pop from Cas' mouth. I could feel a wet finger slowly circling my hole. After I got used to that, he slowly pushed the finger inside. It felt really weird at first, but as he started to move around, I could see why some people liked it so much. Cas added a second finger. It was a little tighter, but not a big deal. Then came a third finger. Cas worked them in and out, slowly stretching my hole to get me ready. I was still pretty nervous, but damn his fingers felt good. I flexed the muscle around them a bit and let out another moan as I felt my body tighten around his fingers. He continued to lightly stroke my cock as he worked his fingers around. He moved them in and out a little quicker, and then pushed them in all the way. I moaned with each little thrust of his fingers. My dick was dripping with precome. He swirled his fingers around in a circle and slowly pulled them out. I heard the zipper of his pants and looked up to see him push them down his hips. He wasn't wearing any boxers. I chuckled a bit at that. He looked up at me and grinned. Cas reached down and stroked his own cock a few times, base all along the length to the tip. I watched his hand move up and down. First time I had ever seen his cock, well, the vessel's cock. God, I hope that guy died when Cas was human. I didn't have time to think much more on that. Cas came closer and pushed my thighs wider apart. He guided the head of his cock to my hole and rubbed the tip in circles around it. I tried to relax and give him a good angle. He started to push himself inside me and I gasped. He was thicker than I expected. He moved slowly and kept going in small increments so he wouldn't hurt me. My moaning had gotten a lot louder when I felt him reach all the way inside me. He pulled out almost to the very tip, and then suddenly slammed all the way back in. I let out a yell at the sudden contact with my prostate. He set a quick pace and went in deep with every thrust. He grabbed my thighs to stabilize my body and lifted them up for a better angle. I yelled again.  
“Cas! Oh god, Cas.” He lifted my lower body completely off the hood of the car as he thrust into me and he slapped my ass.  
“Do not take the name of my father in vain, Dean.”  
“What? Oh, Oh fuck, Cas!” I didn't even get a chance to think about that. At this angle, every thrust hit straight into my prostate. I couldn't even see straight anymore. Thank god we were in the middle of nowhere. If we were in a town, I would've woken the whole neighborhood with my moaning and yelling at that point.  
“Cas! Oh, oh fuck me. Cas!” I couldn't help but yell out his name. My cock was aching hard so I reached down to jack myself off. Cas swatted my hand away and spanked me again, harder this time. He brought his hand around my thigh and started to stroke me again. The movements were ragged this time, and rougher. His hand moved in time to his thrusting.  
“Damn Cas. Ohmygod, ohmygo-” He pulled off my dick and smacked my ass again, forcing me to take a sharp inhale. I was probably going to have a bruise on that cheek the way he hit it.  
“Dean. Don't make me tell you again.” I didn't have the focus to be a smart-ass. All I could think about was his hard dick in my ass and the stars I saw every time he rammed into my prostate. He sped up even more and I started full on wailing. I was close to orgasm and my body was electric with all the tension built up.  
“Damnit Cas, I-I'm close. Ah! Cas, oh fuck, fuck me! Cas, Cas!” With a few quick snaps of his hips, Cas had me coming all over myself and the hood of the car. He didn't let up though. He stroked my cock till he got every bit of come out and then he resumed the pace with his hips. My hole burned a bit with the extra sensation.  
“C-cas, ah fuck!” He gripped my thighs so tight I could swear I saw them turn purple around his fingers, then I could feel him coming inside me. The warm liquid shot out into me. That's not all that happened when he came though. I looked at his eyes, and they weren't blue anymore, they were bright white. He glowed like Anna did when she got her grace back. I closed my eyes, so his grace or whatever that was wouldn't burn me alive. He stopped moving and slowly started to pull out. I gasped as the tip came out of me.  
“Dean, you can look at me.” I carefully opened my eyes and looked. He wasn't glowing anymore, but his eyes were still white instead of blue.  
“C-Cas?” I was breathing pretty heavily and I could feel his seed dripping out of me, but I was way more focused on his face.  
“It's okay, Dean. Sex is like sharing souls. You saw a portion of my grace because of our bond.” Suddenly I was aware of something else I could see. On either side of Cas, huge black wings stretched out into the night sky. The moon was out now and drifting through clouds. The light caught on the wings and made his feathers glimmer.  
“Cas, I can see your wings. Are you just showing them to me?” They were bigger than I remembered. Altogether, they must be fifteen feet across. The raven black feathers took my breath away.  
“Yes, you can. You see, I've always been able to see your soul, and now, you will always be able to see my wings.” Cas pulled his pants back up and zipped them. Then he came and sat next to me on the Impala. He rubbed the side of my face with his hand.  
“Dean do you believe me?”  
“About your wings or -”  
“No, do you believe that I'm here for you, and that-that I love you?” Cas looked at me so intensely, I forgot to answer for a minute. His eyes were slowly fading back to that piercing blue. I sat up closer to him, and grunted at how much it hurt to sit on the bare metal.  
“Yes, Cas. Although, I think I need to hear you say it again.” I smirked at him and bit my lip.  
“I love you, Dean Winchester.” He smiled broadly, and softly kissed me, wrapping his hand around my neck.  
“You know what Cas? I love you too.” He wrapped me in a full hug and we held each other for awhile, just enjoying the moment. I didn't even care that I was buck naked anymore. I got my angel. I thought I had lost everything, but I had actually gained something I thought I would never have. We pulled apart and I looked down at him.  
“Uh Cas, I uh, made a mess of your shirt. It's got um, me all over it now.” I chuckled a bit. Cas looked down at both of us, now each one streaked with come, and waved a hand over our chests. With that, he cleaned it all off of us.  
“Well that's convenient. I uh, I should get dressed. We are kinda in the middle of the street...” I hopped down onto the ground and pulled my boxers and jeans back up. I went and found my boot wherever Cas tossed it to and got that back on too. I had to go around to the other side of the Impala for my shirt though. Cas just quietly watched me walk around, which I had to admit, felt a little uncomfortable considering the fucking I just got. I yanked my shirt on over my head and sat back down on the hood with Cas.  
“Well, Cas, what're we going to do?”  
“What do you mean, Dean? I thought we just established our ….bond.”  
“No no, not that. I mean, we can't just sail back into the bunker. Are you going to drive around with me or go back to the bunker and help Sammy?”  
“Well Dean. Let me talk to Sam.” I saw the huge wings stretch out and Cas was gone. Huh, that never gets not freaky. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam was sitting at the main table in the hall reading through a book on the Djinn. He was hoping to find a way to replicate the dream world the Djinn put people into. Maybe he could jump into one and forget this whole stupid mess. As if anything could be that easy. Sam got a prickly feeling on the back of his neck like eyes boring into him. He flipped around and pulled his knife out only to find Castiel standing at the end of the table. He slammed the knife on the table.  
“Cas. You know you could announce yourself before you just show up behind someone.” He slumped back into his chair.  
“Sam, I need to talk to you.”  
“Is there something wrong, Cas? Did something happen?”  
“Well, yes Sam, but probably not something you would guess.”  
“Almost everything has happened to us by now, Cas. There's not much that would surprise me by now.”  
Cas noticed the book on Djinn opened to the dream world spell.  
“Sam. What have you been doing?” Cas walked up close to Sam with a questioning look on his face.  
“Just research, Cas. It's nothing.” Cas gave him a skeptical look, but he didn't press it.  
“So, uh, what do you need to talk to me about, Cas? What happened?”  
“Dean prayed to me. I went to him.”  
“Oh great. So that's where you've been the past several hours. How is Dean?” Sam huffed out.  
“Sam. I told Dean I would talk to you. He 's really torn up. He wants to come home.”  
“Maybe he should have thought about that before he stuck an angel in my head. Or Crowley for that matter. Or any of the lies or secrets he's been keeping for who knows how long?” Sam slammed his hands on the table.  
“Sam, please. You know Dean only cares about protecting those he cares about. You also know he can be very narrow-minded about how he chooses to protect those people.”  
“Cas, you don't get it. I killed Kevin. Because of Dean, I killed Kevin. I'm glad I wasn't awake to see it, but I can't live with that. Do you think Dean can live with that? We brought him here to protect him! And here is where he died. I don't know if anything since the angels fell has really been me. I could have done anything, Cas. How many times did I black out and hurt people? Don't you get it? Dean took away not just my privacy, he took away part of me. How can I forgive him for that? You tell me how I can forgive that, Cas, and I'll call Dean myself. Better yet, I'll bring him home myself if he can undo it.” Sam stood up from the table and paced around it while he was talking. He swung his arms around and his voice echoed off the walls when he yelled. Cas cringed.  
“Sam. There's not much I can say. As much as I've been around, it has been you. It's been you enough that I didn't realize there was an angel living with you in your mind. Kevin died yes, but how many times did Gadreel save you, or Dean, or even me? The three of us live because of Gadreel. As for invading your privacy, I have nothing to say for that. Sam, please. Make amends with your brother.”  
Sam put his hands on his hips and shook his head.  
“Cas, look. I just, I don't know if I can live with him again. If you bring him back, whatever. I guess I'm willing to talk to him, but don't expect me to just forgive him with open arms, got it?”  
“I understand, Sam.” Cas sighed deeply, and flew away. Sam leaned forward on the table and let out his breath through his teeth. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Dean.” Cas appeared sitting behind me in the Impala. I had nearly dozed off by the time he got back.  
“Jesus, Cas! Give a guy some warning!” I sat bolt upright in the front seat and turned around to look at him. I could still see his wings, all folded up against the back window.  
“I don't think I'm ever going to get used to seeing your wings, Cas.” He looked at them himself, almost like he had forgotten about them. Guess I don't really think about my own body parts come to think of it.  
“So, did you and Sammy have a chat?” I put my arm over the back of the seat and leaned against the car door to be a little more comfortable. Cas looked a little anxious. He took a breath before starting.  
“Well, yes. Sam and I did talk. It didn't go as well as I had hoped. Sam said you can come back to the bunker. He says the two of you will need to have a talk if you decide to come back.”  
“He said he wanted to talk? He wants me to come back? That was quick. What did you say to him, Cas?” He looked away almost sheepishly.  
“He didn't necessarily say he wanted you to come home, Dean. He said if you choose to, then the two of you have to talk. Will you still come?” Oh. So it wasn't that he had forgiven me or anything like that. He just wanted to have another yelling match. Great. Still, sleeping in the bunker is better than sleeping in the car.  
“Well, Cas, I don't know. I really don't want to go back just to fight with Sammy again. I'm so tired of fighting with him. I was just trying to keep him alive. I would rather sleep in my room instead of the car though.”  
“So then you will come home?”  
“Yeah sure, Cas. I'll come home. Do you want to ride back with me or are you going to fly off?”  
“I'd like to stay with you, Dean.”  
“I'd like that too, Cas, but if you're going to come, you should get in the front seat.” I heard a flutter and he disappeared and reappeared right next to me. I had to smile at him for that. Oh great, now I'm the sap. Oh well. I sat forwards in the Impala and revved up the engine. I put on Back in Black and peeled out onto the highway. Cas and I stayed pretty quiet most of the ride back, but it was kinda nice. Not the awkward, tense sort of quiet we used to have. He put his hand on my shoulder at some point. It felt good to not have the tension between us anymore. I found myself smiling as we drove home. Maybe things will get better from here.  
After hours of driving, we finally made it back to the bunker. I pulled into the garage and parked Baby. Cas and I got out and walked out to the main table. I thought Sammy would be there, but he wasn't.  
“So uh, where's Sammy, Cas? I thought he wanted to talk to me.”  
“He's right here, Dean.” Came Sam's voice from behind me. I swallowed a bit and turned around. He was standing in the entrance of the hallway drinking some sort of tea.  
“Oh, uh, hi, Sammy.” I muttered out. Great. This is starting off swell.  
“Hey, Dean. Yeah, I want to talk. You want to hash this out right now?”  
“Sure, why not? Might as well get it over with...”  
“Right....Well come on then.” He came in and took a seat, setting his mug down on the table. I sat down across from him. Cas was still standing where we came in.  
“Are you going to stay too, Cas?” Sam asked. I was a bit surprised. I mean, yeah I'd feel better if Cas stayed, but I didn't think Sammy would want him to.  
“If you both would like me to, yes I will stay.” I nodded and Cas sat down towards the end of the table. We all just kind of sat there for a few minutes. Sam took a couple sips of his tea.  
“So, um, where do you want to start, Sammy?” Not really sure I wanted the answer to that, but we had to start talking.  
“Let's start with your secrets, Dean. Why do you keep so much from me? How can you expect me to trust anything you say or do when you're always hiding something from me? Trust me for once, Dean. Stop lying to me for once.” Well, that sure was a start.  
“Um. I just, I...I hide things so I don't hurt you, or so something or someone else won't hurt you, Sammy. I just try to keep you safe. To protect you, you know?” Sammy shook his head.  
“That's part of the problem, Dean. I'm not a kid anymore. You need to stop trying to protect me and let me protect myself. And hiding things from me isn't keeping me safe. It's me not knowing things that has nearly gotten me killed.”  
“But, Sammy. It's my job to keep you safe. I've been doing it since you were 6 months old. How am I supposed to just stop now? You may be 30, but you're still my kid brother, Sammy.”  
“Look I get it. It's been a long haul, Dean. Just let me take care of me for once. I can't have you breathing down my neck all the time. I can't work like that, and I sure as hell can't live like that. And that's the other big thing too. What the hell are you doing making decisions about my body or my mind? You seriously can't just tell angels and demons they can jump in my head and live there. Dean, I don't remember anything of the time Gadreel or whoever was in my head. I only remember when Crowley came in and I got them both out. How many people did I hurt? How many people did I kill without even knowing it? Dean you invaded me. You compromised who I am. How could you do that to me, Dean?” Sammy's eyes were red and watery at this point.  
“Sammy, you were dying! What in the hell was I supposed to do?!”  
“You could have just let me die, Dean! No deals, no possessions, no spells, nothing. Why couldn't you just let me go?”  
“How can you ask me that? You're my brother, Sammy. I can't just let you die. I love you, man.” Great, now I'm crying. This is not how this was supposed to go.  
“Look, Dean. I guess, I love you too. I mean, yeah, we're brothers. But we're also our own people. We can't just go around making decisions for each other all the time. We have to live our own lives. If you can't let me do that, then I can't be around you. Do you get that?”  
“Sammy, I...I didn't realize you felt like that. I thought I was keeping you safe. I mean, of course you're your own person. I mean, I couldn't have turned you into such a nerd.” I tried to smile. God, I needed a smile or a joke or something. I looked over at Cas. He looked worried, but he nodded, so maybe things were going okay.  
“Dean, tell me: will you let me be my own person and make my own decisions? Will you stop hiding everything from me? I need to know, Dean.” He just stared then. Just bore his eyes straight through my head.  
“Yes. Yes, Sammy. You are your own person. And if I'm going to stop hiding things from you, then I guess I'd better get something out in the open now.” I looked over to Cas and winked.  
“Damnit, Dean. What are you keeping from me this time? And how long have you been hiding it?” Sammy sounded just exasperated.  
“Calm down, Sammy. It's not that terrible. Well, I don't know....maybe you'll think it is. Alright so, uh, it's about Cas and uh, me.” Sammy suddenly sat forward and looked almost, excited.  
“Yeah? What about you and Cas?” He looked over at Cas and Cas just shrugged.  
“We uh, well see... I called Cas, and he came and we talked and well uh....turns out he and I, well, we love each other, Sammy.” He looked at me, looked at Cas, and looked back at me. Then he busted up laughing. Cas even chuckled a bit too.  
“What? What's so funny you two?” I thought this was a serious conversation. Why were they laughing?  
“Dean, you can be such an idiot sometimes. Of course you two are in love. I mean, if staring into each others' eyes for like an eternity every chance you get isn't a clue. Or that one time you got a boner when Cas took a shower and got his clothes cleaned. Or how glad you were when Cas came back from the dead. Of course you're in love. How did you not see that?”  
“Well, I uh, I guess you're cool with it then?”  
“Cool with it? Dean, it was getting to the point that if I had to watch another staring contest I was going to hold your heads together till you made out and shove condoms in your pockets. Hell yeah, I'm cool with it, Dean. I'm just surprised you didn't figure it out sooner.”  
“Oh. Well, I'm glad you're on board then, I guess.” Well that was kind of embarrassing.  
“Why didn't you say anything before, Sammy?”  
“Oh what, and spoil the moment when you finally figure it out yourself? No way. For once it was nice to see that you can be oblivious sometimes. You know, have some of your own embarrassment with love.” Well, I guess that makes sense. Little rude though.  
“So then, are you and me good, Sammy?”  
“You know what, Dean, I think so.” Cas smiled that big smile again. I got up from the table and gave Sammy a huge hug. Cas came over and joined us. It felt so good to have my family together. We pulled apart from the hug. I gave Cas a kiss on the cheek and Sammy laughed. I could feel the blush crawl over my face.  
“Dean, if you and Cas are going to date or whatever you're going to call it, you should probably give him a real kiss.” Sammy pushed me at Cas, and Cas pulled me close and kissed me with his hands in my hair and his teeth pulling on my lip. When he finally let me go, I had to catch my breath for a minute. My bottom lip was a little swollen and my cheeks were definitely flushed by then. Cas wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I leaned into his side.  
“Was that good enough, Sam?” Cas asked.  
“It was good for me, Cas.” We all laughed then. Finally things were starting to look up.


End file.
